Someday…
Friday, June 30th, 2006I knew that the time would come, when I wouldn’t think about you, crave you, need you, desire you. I knew that someday my life would go on. Every moment wouldn’t be spent awaiting your return; every breath would not be held in, until you came back.
It happened slowly, that I stopped, thinking about you. At first I didn’t want it,
the loneliness was too much. The concept, the mere thought, of not having you,
not seeing you, not feeling you, was much to fearful -even after you left, after you found another, after you moved in. I kept hoping you would come back, that you would see the mistake you made, the error that happened. I was ready to forgive you, to take you back, to sacrifice everything, just so you and I, could be together again, for all of time.
I see now I was wrong. I gave all that I am, all that I posses, all that I wished for,
to you. But you weren’t ready, weren’t satisfied, weren’t content, with just me.
The question came who do you choose, he or I?
When you answered, I didn’t believe you, just like every time before. When you claimed your love to him, it fell on my deaf ears. I didn’t want to believe, didn’t want to be wrong.
Again.
But I was. I see that now. The time has come for me to ask God not for us to be together, but if he will lessen the pain that comes when I think of us, when I remember how it used to be.
The pain is diminishing; at night, I no longer cry. I realize I was wrong, that you want the other, and not me. But this journey has made me tired. I cannot continue along. My path goes on, and I am distraught. I have not the energy,
to continue forward. So, I will collapse here, and wait. Maybe someone will find me here, lying alongside the road. Or, I might gatherthe strength needed to move, marshall the power to overcome. Right now, I will do neither; I will lie here and wait, hope, and pray, that somewhere, someone cares enough, to make me whole. And my most sincere wish, is for her to find me here, and lay her hands on me, healing my wounds, cleansing my soul, relieving my burden.
I will look up, into her eyes, as tears stream down my own, and say to her,
"My true love."
And I will be complete.
Someday….
